Anger, can you deal with it? Or "Don't you act like that!"
Don’t you act like that!
Calm Down!
Take that attitude, someplace else.
Dealing with your daughter’s anger can sure be a trigger for us as parents. How was anger dealt with when you were growing up? Were you even allowed to be angry?
How are you at dealing with your own anger now? Do you save it up until you explode? Do you automatically just burst out in frustration, rage, yelling or physically expressing it?
I know for me I was taught not to be angry out in the world. If I showed anger, that was bad, and people wouldn’t like me, (my belief). Also, of course, I would get into some serious trouble with my dad if I got mad at him. So as an adult early on I would save up my anger until I couldn’t take it any longer, then I would do the volcano eruption at something that didn’t deserve that big of anger expression. I also learned to retreat from other people’s anger. I was the peacekeeper in my family. Which meant I did whatever I could to keep everyone happy.
When I became a dad and as my girls got older and had to express anger at things, I didn’t know how to handle it. Since I wasn’t comfortable with my own anger, I would either try to take the anger away from them, solve the problem for them or tell them not to act that way.
As a man, for me anger was associated with an unhealthy masculine expression that I didn’t want any part of. I tried not to show my anger as much as possible. I didn’t understand how expressing anger was a part of healthy human expression. Or that anger is often covering up other feelings, such as sadness, grief, or a sense of powerlessness.
This was something I had to learn.
Unfortunately, my older daughters got the version of me that was not emotionally fit and didn’t have a good understanding of anger and how to express it, process it, or what to do with it.
Many years later and after plenty of personal work, I now understand the importance of anger and how to express it. It is a major part of being able to have healthy boundaries as well as simply being able to live a fully expressed life. Understanding my anger and how to express is a part of a balanced masculine. And also, for the feminine too.
My seven-year-old twins now get a much better version of me!!
This is what I want for you and your daughter.
Undealt with anger makes us mentally, emotionally, and physically unhealthy. It affects our bodies.
Being able to work with and understand our own emotions, all of them, makes us a much better father. It’s so important that we do our work to be emotionally fit, so we can create an environment for our daughters to be able to have a healthy relationship with their emotions, including anger.
Part of being a fully empowered women is being able to freely express anger, and all emotions, in a healthy way. But our society doesn’t typically deal well with anger when it comes to girls and women.
We need to work to create a better environment for our daughter’s future and that begins with you at home. How you express and deal with your emotions, and how you receive hers.
Understanding the importance of this is huge.
Check out the attached article to get a bigger perspective about this. From a women’s point of view. This is a really great read.
Are you ready to be the dad your daughter needs you to be?
Are you ready to get in healthy relationship with your emotions?
My daughters and yours need that. We need to work to create a better space for our daughters in the world and give them the tools they need to live their best lives.
I would love to hear your thoughts and feelings on this.
Be sure and leave a comment.
Love and blessings on your journey.
Ezra