A friend of mine posted on Facebook and she started with the opening line;
"Warning, I am about to rant."
So what do you think?
Would you open and read what she had to rant about or just flip on by?
I'm talking to you guys here, when you see a woman post about a rant or something that they are upset about, what comes to your mind, what thoughts float around your head?
Are they judgmental and stereotypical masculine responses that are offensive and ugly?
Or do you just sort of quickly look the other way and scroll on by?
So I am going to help you out. You should stop and read the post, you might learn something. Something about yourself, something about being a woman, and something about judgement and labels, among other things.
Think about this in relation to your daughters, your wife, or your mother.
~Here is the post she wrote. This is by Kimberly Pepper Pepe.~
"Warning, I am about to rant.
I am my own woman. I am independent, self-sufficient, and just as equal a human being as any man. I do not need or want a man, or anyone else at this moment for that matter, to justify anything about me.
In the past few months, two or three times I have had men either applaud for me or tell me great job when they have seen me parallel park. I have course ask them if they would’ve done that if I was a man. Earlier this week a man was impressed and felt the need to compliment me because I backed into a parking space between 2 cars .
Last week I was stopped at the 49 bridge looking at the Yuba river and a man asked me what kind of car it is that I was driving, I told him and said I had ordered the new 2023 and was excited for it to come in, and he said oh your husband must have a great job to afford a new car.
Someone recently asked me if I was still single, and I said yes, and they responded with, well You’re really cute, there is still time to find a good husband.
Today, at the farmers market, a man asked me if I just got out of that really cool Chevy pick up, I said no but it sure is a beautiful truck, and his response was “you should tell your husband to buy A cool truck for you.”
I want to be very clear. If you are ever trying to open up a line of conversation with me, or heaven forbid try to flirt with me, and you think telling me that my value or skill or success is dependent on whether or not I have a husband or a man in my life, the only thing you will get from me is the back of my shaking head as I am walking away."
Also in the comments she added a little more.
"I think what a lot of men don’t understand is that as women, we receive this kind of gaslighting and sexism our entire lives.
I have nice things so it must be because a husband got them for me.
If I look and dress and talk a certain way I have deserved the unwanted and often violent attention from men, or if I’m not getting enough attention from men it must be the way I look or my weight or the way I dress.
If I am working in a skilled labor field, like my best friend Robin driving tanker trucks, or Beth being a construction worker, etc., that somehow someone must’ve done me a favor to get the job.
Most men have never had this type of systemic sexism for their entire lives, so often they have a very hard time understanding why it would possibly offend or upset us.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am an optimist and a positive person. I look for the kindness and express gratitude.
However, the fact that I am not just smiling and saying thank you to the nice man, is one more instance of how I should just know my place and be nice, and I should smile while doing it.
Because we all know, I look so much prettier when I smile."
Whatever comes up for you really take time to notice what the thoughts are and then decide, do I need to change those thoughts.
Are they congruent with who I say I want to be, who I want my daughter to see me be, how I would treat my wife, or how I would want another man to treat the women in my life, especially your daughter.
What do you do if you notice thoughts coming up that are not positive or more than thoughts, the words coming out of your mouth.
If you actually say the words, then apologize and let them know you are working on being a better man.
If they thoughts that remain in your head, then notice them, take some to time to sit with them, figure out where they come from. Are they voices from the past, your father, uncle, other guys you hang around with?
Then ask yourself if you really want to show up this way. What would you choose to think or say that is different?
Honestly a lot of times it may be that you don't really recognize that the words or thoughts are sexist.
I can certainly relate to that, because of the examples that were given to me by the men in my life when I was growing up. But as I learned better I was able to do better and really take stalk of all the places where I was not showing up as my best self.
So now as you learn better, strive to really change how you see and relate to the feminine. Help to create a world where these type of conversations are not so commonplace.
You can do it.
We need you to do it.
My daughters need you to do it.
I'm calling on you to do it.
If you are looking for support or deeper understanding around this, I would love to talk with you.
Blessings on the journey!